np, as a fellow video gaming based VN fanfic maker, i tend to try to give constructive criticism, since i know most ppl just say it's awsome, or it sucks. I like pleasing the former group, ignore the latter. but neither usually provide too much constructive criticism.
I really dont think i have right to critique story, considering I watched pilot ep only, and it usually takes a bit of extra uniqueness to impress me. I would rather discuss things like story personally and not thru a msg board anyways.
1 thing about mugen stories in general, is that the battles mostly seem like game battles per say. which is 1 reason why i prefer 1 round. I took things a little further while making a fanfic.
http://www.wenoo.net/video/a0f905fd59e718ca05e
here's an example a 1 shot mugen fanfic I made(yes I did some of my own art as well as edited some pics). note how I transition the battles into the story line.
1 of my goals was kind of to make a mugen fanfic, that didnt completely seem like it. and seemed more like a visual novel where the battles were part of the story line. I got the idea since I posted my earlier works on a yuri forum, and 1 person mentioned how my drifting series had racing battles(done with another game) really seemed like it was part of a story, while my already completeld mugen series lacked..
whether you like my style, I wouldn't know, but it would take a bit of extra video editing.
another thing i might add are parts where characters are just standing still. if you record a scene of them standing, which can be done in training or vs, and then just loop that scene, they seem more lifefull. Most ppl dont recognize that but it's 1 of my pet peeves.
maybe these tips may help ur future eps get more detailed.
been forever since i watched a mugen fanfic.
watched 1 ep. donno if i'll watch the rest, since I donno if it'll hold my interests.
some constructive critisism:
-font was really hard to read, with the way you chose the background.font colors, and no font bordrs in some places
-battles were way too long. I personally think most mugen fanfic are better with just 1 rounds battles. or if you want a more cinematic appraoch, and dont mind more editing, do something similar to what I did with Setsuko Xmas Tale
chimukun got a reaction from Mister Fael in Endless World (Mugen Series)